The (Birth)day that was ....

So , another year gone by ...If I could put a flavor to my past years ...2009 was definitely Salty ...With all the tears, bloodshed, rage , despair, gut wrenching silence and battles lost.
Got home from office yesterday ...dreading the day ahead....Just not wanting to begin another year with this feeling....But also hoping that the new year brings back THE smile that I feel from the left side of my chest, rather than what shows on my face ...I ve almost forgotten how it feels to sleep and get up with different thoughts ...

Come 12pm , friends came over with the most amazing 4 layered cake and champagne ...God bless them .....really cheered me up for the time they were in my house....They left me in the same emptiness by 2pm....I just stood in front of the mirror and wondered if I feel any older, more importantly any wiser ?? I had a feeling I would not like the answer, so I slept instead !

The next day was BAU (god I am using that in my blog sentence!!), meetings, meeting and just for a change ...more meetings. Then my ritualistic visit to the temple...People who know me would think I visit the temple only on my b'day because god cant say 'No' to my demands on that day :D (Somewhere I think that may be the reason). But this time I had things to tell Him, things to ask ...Just the same dialogue between me and Him (Its amazing how he answers my questions from within me, the answer just pops up in my head, I swear !) The only difference was that the issues this time needed the water power from my eyes to try to blackmail Him into considering my suggestions, which I offered abundantly then and in the past year.

Its unbelievable if I tell you that this is the ONLY year where I did not buy a new dress for myself, more amazing is the reason that I did not feel like it. I know, I know you must be thinking , what a vain girl I am ..Thats not it, b'days are a big thing, they come only once in a long, boring, tiring year and when you feel the day should never end, the only day when you ask your boss anything and he will ‘think’ before he refuses :-)
But a couple of things definitely distinguished it from any other day. A couple of mails having exactly a couple of lines. Dad, who NEVER ever remembers my birthday , and never mails me , wrote 2 lines, which instantly got the waterworks going. The other mail, exactly 2 lines , well...I dont know what to say ...Is it possible to be exactly happy and really sad at the same time ?? I have done it, my friend :-D
A couple of bouquets, a couple of boxes of chocolate and a teddy bear from a couple of very very unexpected people completed the day. Thank you for thinking I am that special :-) Dinner with a couple and a friend and a long roofless drive to Scottsdale downtown under a hazy cloudy cold moon completed the "special" day of the year.

I just hope and pray with all my heart that this year is all about light - Light at the end of a long, dark and very cold tunnel , Bright lights of celebration of the MOST important day of my life , watching a smile light up my parent's face, bringing in the light of knowledge and many more ....

Let me go....

Curiously, 3 people in the past week have asked me the same question - "Who in their right frame of mind would let you go , girl ??".
The knowledge that I know the answer to that is like a splinter dug in my heart .